Friday, June 18, 2004

The (Tim) Blair Watch Project, Volume IV

Let me tell you a story. I was about 13, in my first year of high school. There was this girl I liked and, you know, she didn’t know I existed. She was tall with black hair and dark eyes and kinda prominent white teeth. But not prominent in a bad way. Her name was Christa.

Well, we were all on a school camp in lovely Victor Harbour and there was a night-time outing to Granite Island to see the fairy penguins which is compulsory if you’re about 13 and in the vicinity. Now here’s the thing. I didn’t know her but I badly wanted to. So I... pretended I was a Richard Attenborough-type wildlife observer and every time I saw her I flashed my torch at her and made some reference to a ‘rare sighting of a Christa-beast’.

I did this about four times until my friend Charles looked me in the eye and said: ‘mate, mate, don’t, OK?’. And I took a good hard look at myself and stopped.

What does this have to do with Tim? Well, it’s like this. Tim is a pretty funny guy. Usually. But lately he’s been running with this John Kerry = Caged Hamster thing. The first time it was worth half-a-chuckle: the presumptive Democratic Party candidate for President of the United State of America is a wheel-running rodent. Quite, quite. How amusing.

But he’s up to 5 references now. And here’s betting Kerry-hamster reference number 6 is currently percolating away in that otherwise fertile brain.

So, Tim, next time you feel like slapping down some hamster love, here’s some advice straight from the fairy penguins of Granite Island: ‘mate, mate, don’t, OK?’

Cos, you know, that schtick is only slightly funnier than cervical cancer…

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