Thursday, July 01, 2004

I want to spend the rest of my life with you, starting from 7:45pm

In movies, weak but sympathetic and strangely good-looking young men sometimes telephone extraordinarily attractive women made up to look like merely attractive women. Summoning all their courage, they stumble through a proposition. Would you, uh. If you’re not doing anything then, uh. I have tickets to, uh.

This being the movies, the women say ‘I’d love to’ rather than ‘get bent, jerk.’ The young man, stupefied and more inarticulate than ever, mumbles his gratitude, hangs up the phone, then punches the air and lets out an almighty whoop.

There’s something missing.

Just once I’d like to that scene to go like this:

Bright-eyed nerd boy: Uh, previously aloof goddess, look, you’re probaby gonna say no but, uh, are you free this Friday?
Previously aloof goddess: sure.
BENB: But there’s no way you’d spend it with me, right?
PAG: Sure I would.
BENB: Huh? You would?
PAG: Of course, I’d love to.
BENB: Wow. Wow, that’s incredible. OK, see you on Friday. Bye. [Starts to hang up].
PAG: Wait. What are we doing?
BENB: Huh?
PAG: What are we doing on Friday?
BENB: Uh, what would you like to do?
PAG: Maybe see a movie?
BENB: Sure.
PAG: What movie?
BENB: I don’t mind. You choose.
PAG: No, you choose.
BENB: Uh, what about that disaster move. The Day After Tomorrow.
PAG: No, I just don’t fancy it. What about Shrek 2?
BENB: Isn’t that a kids movie?
PAG: Supposed to be pretty funny.
BENB: OK, what time’s it on?
PAG: I don’t know. Do you have the paper?
BENB: No.
PAG: Why don’t we just turn up at the Cinema in town and see what’s playing?
BENB: In town? On a Friday night? Be a bugger getting a park. What about the Megaplex?
PAG: I’m not crazy about that place. You know how much they charge for pop-corn?
BENB: I’ll buy the pop-corn.
PAG: Just ‘cos you buy the pop-corn and choc-top, doesn’t mean I have to put out.
BENB: Uh, uh, I didn’t mean to suggest---
PAG: Relax. Kidding. Pick me up at 7:30. My address– do you have a pen? – my address is –
BENB: Uh, shit, did I say Friday? Shit, I forgot, my Dad flies back from Thailand and I have to pick him up. Is Saturday any good for you?

Now that would have been a John Hughes film worth seeing…

(I just checked imdb.com. I’ve seen every movie John Hughes directed except for his last, Curly Sue (1991). After that, it’s creenplays only. And a cold, cold time it’s been since Flubber. I’d say the time is right for the DVD box set John Hughes: American Auteur -- The Director’s Cuts.)





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