Monday, October 18, 2004

Two tales of stoopid, one of smart (Part III)

Having delivered on the tales of stoopid, I now make good on my promise of a chronicle of perspicasia-, perspecashewness, er, smarts.

Being the adorable, irepressible father that I am, living his life vicariously through an infant son too young to tell him to get a life, my tale of smarts belongs to the Dude.

His latest word is ‘different’ (or ‘diff’rent’). And he gets a lot of use out of it.

Wanna go to the park? [pointing to the park across the road].

Yes. Diff’rent park.

Wanna watch Bob, the world’s most unrealistic builder? [cueing up Bob DVD – in this episode, Bob turns up when he says he will. I guess a little fantasy doesn’t do kids any harm]

Yes. Diff’rent Bob.

It’s never to early to learn that variety is the freakin’ spice-a-life. Or the limitations of a father’s power to effect change: but they only ever made one Piglet movie! It’s called Piglet’s Big Movie and that’s the whole bloody Piglet ouvre!

Personally, I think diff’rent is a milestone in language development. The first important word kids learn (around the same time as ‘Mummy’, ‘Daddy’ and ‘econometrics’) is ‘no’. ‘No’ allows a child to address the conveyor belt of stuff that is reality and say ‘stop!’ ‘I don’t want the next item heading my way’.

The next big word is ‘more’. ‘More’ makes the conveyor belt double back on itself at just the right moment.

‘Yeah, that last thing, that last thing was good. Bring it back, double it in size and dip it in chocolate.’

And now, ‘diff’rent’.

‘Yes, Pater, what you are offering me has merit,, certainly. But not in that colour, not with that sauce and not with your goddamn finger-prints all over it. Diff’rent!’

Once you’ve mastered those three big words, the conveyor belt of reality is your plaything and every word thereafter is just a bonus really.

Until you learn ‘sleep-in’ which is an almost magical word but one with sadly no practical application in this universe.

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